Conditional Love

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about what love is and what it really means. I think I’ve probably always had some kind of problem understanding or accepting love in one way or another. I have what they call “daddy issues” and I’ve had my very fair share of stupid boys. But, I’m not sure that is really where my warped perception of love comes from…

Think about how easy it is to say “I love you” to someone. I personally say it probably at least five to ten times a day. Love is something that is tossed around constantly in our society: We text it. We yearn for it. We show it. We confuse it. We use it as an excuse. We fight for it. We fake it. We reply with it. We make it….but do we ever think about it?

I remember a long time ago I learned that love is not a feeling; it’s a choice. I think I was really shocked when I heard that because it didn’t make sense to me. Not until I got older. Love is a choice. There are people in my life that are easy to love and there are people that I have to make a constant decision to love. I mean, think about it. Think about the last girl who broke your heart. The last boy who left you in the dust. The last friend who turned their back on you. Did they really love you? Sure, they said it and acted like it at the time, but does that really mean anything now? How could they love you when they hurt you so bad? And then what about you? Do you really love them even after everything was said and done?

Sadly, this has become our definition:

Love = conditional

This is usually how it works: I love him today because he’s treating me right. And then tomorrow: I don’t love him anymore because he broke up with me.

It’s a day-by-day basis. I love you if you love me. But that is the complete opposite of what love really is.

Love is a minute-by-minute choice to continually love someone no matter what. No. Matter. What. Love is true in the good times and even truer in the bad times. Love forgives. Love forgets the tears and remembers the laughs. Love lives and breathes and speaks throughout your being. Love endures through bad attitudes, harsh words, and final goodbyes. Love doesn’t change even when you do. Love is not a feeling. Love is nothing like we say it is.

Jesus never has a day where he just doesn't want to deal with us or changes his mind about us, so why do we have those days with other people?

I want to love my family. I want to love my friends. I want to love my classmates. I want to love my teachers. I want to love my church. I want to love my boss. I want to love my co-workers. I want to love total strangers. I want to love my ex-friends. And yes, I even want to love my ex-boyfriends. All of them. No matter how crappy they were. Haha.

So, today I am vowing to love. I will choose to love like Jesus loves: unconditionally.

Grown Ups

I remember when I used to watch people who were older than me, who were in a bigger place than me. I remember analyzing their choices and their reactions. I remember thinking, "I can't wait to be like them". And now…I am them. I am living the lives I watched so closely before. You would think that from years of analyzing I would have learned how to live the perfect life, but I didn’t. It just goes to show that you don’t always learn from other’s mistakes.

I am eighteen years old. I am, well, a grown up. I have been employed at my first official job for a week and I have already learned how difficult it is to be an adult. I am also enrolled in three college classes this summer. Therefore, if I’m not stressing about my grades, I’m exhausted from work. But that is not what this blog is about.

I am learning that God wants us to live inconvenient lives. He wants us to feel uncomfortable, to do things we wouldn’t necessarily choose to do. He wants us to be exasperated and worn thin. Because it is then that we cling to Him more closely. He also wants to be inconvenienced because that is when life is most lived.

Honestly, I love my job. I love it because it has taken me completely out of my comfort zone. It has taught me patience. My job consists of serving others. One of my favorite and least favorite things to do. And it’s teaching me to love it more.
Being an adult isn’t always fun. It’s really really hard most of the time. But, I am embracing it and taking everyday as a lesson that needs to be learned. I wish I could say that these positive thoughts were my idea, but they are all God’s. Jesus served and endured hardship everyday, therefore, I want to do the same. He meets me everyday and sends love through my fingertips.

So, no, I didn't learn how to live a perfect life from those who are older than me, but I am learning how to live a life in the Way of the One who came before me. And without Him, I wouldn't be able to do it.